He used to skate back in the day but over the years he didn't make it as a professional skater. He got married, had a life, but got pretty fat. His wife urged him to start working out for health reasons but he said he hated going to the gym. She told him to find something he liked to do, and she'd do it with him. At first, nothing came to mind. Then while looking through old photos one night (which he pulled out to remember when he was thin) he found a photo of him skating, and he decided to start skating again. His wife was mortified when he told her what he chose because she never learned to roller skate. He told her not to worry, that he could teach her. She said she wasn't embarrassed to learn but that they'd look silly skating with a bunch of kids. He assured her that once they started skating and started having fun, she wouldn't even notice. So she agreed to be supportive, but she was sure that the young people would laugh them out of the rink when the saw the old couple. Well, the kids proved her wrong and not only did they not laugh, they cheered and high fived the couple in support. After a while the rink let them in for free, and the old lady got good enough to skate on her own, and the old man lost the weight he needed to lose. The couple went the rink almost every week for two years. Then the old man's wife got sick, and they had to stop going. When the old lady was very close to death, she gave the old man a box and told him to open it and free she'd gone. It was three months after the old lady was gone when the old man finally decided to open the box. When he did he found a note on top of another smaller wrapped box. The note was handwritten by the old lady and said, "Keep going for the both of us... Forever Yours, Ella" The old man opened the inner box and found a new pair of skates. The old lady had her niece buy them for the old man before she had died. The old man cried as he pulled them from the bix, and knew what he had to do. So went back to the rink that Saturday night and started going back every week. They welcomed him and even gave him a job, which he gladly took. So very time he takes to tell floor he smiles and skates and remembers the love of his life.

Perspective

    I woke up, got ready for work, then went outside to get into my car. I walked up to my beloved Beetle to find the window had been shattered! I paused for a moment, stunned by the vision, then got closer to inspect the scene. It appeared that nothing had been stolen, and the alarm was still armed. I looked as closely as I could without disturbing the scene (thank you C.S.I.) to see if the object that broke the window was still there. It wasn't. I was dumbfounded.
   It took me a few minutes to get over the shock to figure out what to do. My primary concern was to get to work on time. When I came to terms with the fact that wasn't going to happen, I called work to make sure I was covered. I've got one of those jobs you can't really be late for; not without thousands of people noticing. Then I called the police, my mom, and my insurance agent. In that order. The cops came in a reasonable time. My insurance agent was totally there for me and filled the claim, and my mom came from her job to pick me up, check out the scene, and take me to work.
    This was the icing on a stellar week that included a mean case of Bronchitis, and my hours being cut at work. And the funny thing is, this week is still better than this week last year! In addition to getting over a huge personal tragedy, and being broken up with, I got fired. This day to the day, 2012. So, even though this week was fucking shitty, I'll take this week over this week last year ANY day!
     Funny how life gives you lemons to remind you of when you only had seeds. In spite if my setbacks this week, I've realized how far I've come, what I'm capable of handing, and the true and VERY important value of having perspective!

Eboni

The Glass is Half....

    It's been so long I don't even know where to start. So apparently I started with cliche! I try not to write only when I'm down because that gets old fast. Everyone has their set of issus, who shan't to hear someone else bitch about theirs? Oh, right, reality show watchers! But seriously, I've been trying to get back into the things that make me happy, motivated, focused, and sane. That's the trick she you're down, though, isn't it? It's the most crucial time where one needs to do what makes him/her happy, but it's the hardest time to get motivated to do so! I know if I find myself writing I'm either on the verge of coming out of a funk, so slowly sinking into one. Ha! Or blissfully living the best life ever! Unfortunately it's not the latter.

   There's a lot I can't complain about: I'm relatively healthy, I have a roof over my head, a car the runs decently, more than $40 in the bank, and a pretty cool job. I can very easily ( and quite often do) look at the downside of these things, but at this point I think I'd just lose it completely. It's so hard to focus on the positive. Why do we always pick out what we don't have as opposed for all we do have. The absurd is appealing.

   This piece is a bit transitional; I feel as though not much has happened. I suppose in comparison to last year at this time, nothing is going on,  but that's actually a good thing. I really and mostly writing to get back in the swing of writing. As this year is rounding a corner to the end and then a new, I'm getting ready for the next amazing chapter of my life. I have a few things that I'm working on, and I think 2014 will be the year for them. But the bulbs need to be planted now. I'm reluctant to tell you what's on my mind for the future, because of my silly superstitious self. However, if you're actually taking the time to read this, you should be in on the plots.... So next time, I promise! For now just know that I'm planning for greatness, and you're  welcome to be a part of it. Whether through reading and commenting, or being physically in my life, I'm going to need all the support, feedback, knowledge and resources I can vet my hands on. Get ready

Eboni

Good Bye Cruel World

.....of Facebook. Don't worry I'm not going anywhere. I just really need to get off of Facebook. Lately, I can't stand it. It's a source of stress I don't need. People's religious and political posts are driving me crazy! I've tried to have conversations about important issues, but they always fall victim to the fact that people are mean, irrational, stubborn, and you quite simply can't have a conservation about anything important via text.
    My resolution for this year is to cut out stress and not repeat behavior of the past, and to move forward. I feel like Facebook is something I can do without right now. So for at least 6 months, my personal Facebook will be gone. That being said, I still need one for work, so that will still be up. Please like my page Raleigh PDX and follow me on Twitter @raleighpdx. Otherwise, we'll have to actually see each other to talk!

-Eboni
PS, The Facebook goes down tomorrow.

If you don't have anything happy to say....

     A few weeks ago, a friend of mine said that he liked my blog but pointed out how sad it was. Looking back on my entries I discovered that he us right. I think they are so sad because, well, I've been sad. Either that or I've been focussing on the sad in my life. Granted, lately there's been a LOT if sad to focus on, but there's been good too. I haven't written if it until today because it'staken this long for the fog to clear a bit; enough for me to see the good things in my life more clearly.
     I have an amazing family. They love me unconditionally in spite of my drastic mood swings, untidy nature, and tendency to be bossy. I feel so lucky to have people to support me no matter what because not everyone does. We can be silly and ridiculous with each other, and even though we've all made mistakes, there's no doubt in my mind that no matter what comes our way, we'll get through it as long as we have each other.
     I have the best friends ever. I don't tell you all enough, how much I love you, but I do. When I moved to California I didn't know how I was going to get along without Jon, Nikki, Dylan, Stacey, Angie, Lindsay, David, Joe and the many MANY others who enriched my life in Portland. But along with Phil and Charlotte, I moved. We were lucky to make great friends who both came with us from Portland and those who already lived in the Bay. Thank you: Casey, Lucy, Landin, Courtney, Bryan, Jess, Dylane, Jeff, Jen, Jenn, Chris, and super folklore thanks to Stephanie. I wouldn't have made it without her.
    I have an amazing job that I love. Though I wasn't ready to leave my last company, I'm  glad I'm gone. I'm glad they treated me badly enough to make coming back to Portland an easier decision. At the time, I didn't  understand anything that was happening to me, or why. There's still a lot of doubt I'm shuffling through. However, one thing is true, in doing something so much better and more meaningful than I was doing before! Though they broke my heart when they fired me, they led me to a place where I can shine. This is incredibly corney, but flowers can tilt totally grow from shit! :) And, of course, I didn't even have this chance if it wasn't for the people who face me this chance and are betting on me to succeed. I'm going to do everything in my being not to let them down!!
    Finally, the basics. I'm not making much money. Big pay cut, in fact. But I have food in my body, a roof over my head, clothes to wear and even a bit of change to spend on overpriced coffes and a cocky cocktail or two. Not in a bragging way, but that's a lot more than many people can say. We take for granted the simple joys of not having to worry about the simple joys.
     So, this happy entry, I sincerely dedicate  to Dylan. Sorry it took me so long to write something happy, but at least I truely am. Hope it was with the wait!

-Eboni

Movers Remorse

     I can't really compare last year's move top this year's for a few reasons: last year I was moving from rain to sun, the known to the unknown, and less money to more money. This year's move is from sun to rsin, known to known, and more money to less money. There are similarities, though. I was not happy both times I moved, though this year's unhappiness trumps lay year's by far. I was and am single, and my future is still very much up in the air. Of course everyone's future is up in the air, but there as times of more and less certainty, and this is definitely a time of less.
     Though I love my new job a million times more than my last, there are things I miss. I miss the stability, the money, the health insurance. Those things aren't the most important things in the world, but they are extremely nice to have. I miss my friends in California more than I can say. I've found myself doubting this move so much. I keep wondering if I should have fought harder to stay. I feel like in a way I've retreated; like I've given up. And though my new job is a dream of mine, I find it impossible to not focus on all I've left behind.
     I so this all the time. Self-doubt and I are old pals. I'm trying hard to get over that. Very hard. I hope that when I get into a grove, see more of my old friends, meet new ones, get my own place, and get super-good at my job, that this melancholy will melt away, and I'll be chopper, fun, awesome Eboni again. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to wait and see....

Eboni

Ugly

   I've been thinking a lot about self image lately. My opinion of myself hasn't been very high. I look at pictures of myself from the past, and even as recently as last year and I think, "I look great!" But most pictures lately, and when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't like what I see. I know some of this has to do with weight gain and aging, but really, beauty is about how you feel on the inside and it really does reflect what you see and what other see on the outside.
     I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but I just haven't been very attractive for quite some time. I don't know how to fix that; how does one see his or herself the way that one really is?  Or am I seeing myself the way I really am, unattractive?  It's not that I think that I'm particularly beautiful or anything like that it's just I used to be okay with how I looked but now I'm not. It goes beyond just losing some weight, putting on makeup, or fixing my hair, all the little things I can do to alter my appearance. There's some kind of fundamental internal struggle I'm having on the inside that makes no matter what I look like on the outside seem... ugly.
     I hate that this is happening. I used to be so confident and energetic. Lately, I just want to stay home. I don't want to put in any effort. I just want to sleep. I have some  really great things going to me right now, but that doesn't change that fact that I'm utterly unappealing. I guess the only things to do are the superficial: put on makeup, do hair, dress well, lose weight. Maybe the inside will catch up with the outside. We'll see....

-Eboni