A Slight Shift

     One of my resolutions is to save $2011 by 2011. Yeah, that's not going to happen... Rather, I think it needs to be altered. I think insead of saving such a high amount, I should save less, but get out if debt... for good.  This is going to be a challenge and has forced some really hard choices. I'm pretty sure I can't afford my apartment anymore. I will have to move back in with my mom for a while. I was taking to my friend, Nikki, and told her I saw this as a defeat our a move backward. But she said that anything I can do to get out if debt us a step forward, and the last thing I want is to be under the thumb of debt collectors. She's right. And as much as I want and have tried to make it on my own, I've made some bad choices and big mistskes money-wise, and I need help.
     The funny thing is, in the grand scheme if debt, I'm not that bad off. The problem is that I'm not making enough to pay things off, and pay for my place, and car, and insurance, and food... You get the picture. I owe $1254 to a shrink that didn't really help me. $1073 for a ticket from 2003 that was originally $403, which they let me renew my license with regardless of it being outstanding and didn't tell me it existed until 2 months ago when I got a ticket for a tail light being out. I owe $900 or so on a loan I took out, $500 to my credit card company, and the monthly expenses of living. The total debt is less than $5000, but it feels like the weight of the world, and that every time I start to pay one thing off another rears its ugly head. 
     So, I'll have one final fun trip (to California). Two more months in my place. Then move in with my mom, at age 34 to try yo get my shit together. People say that it takes courage to ask for help. It doesn't feel like courage, it feels like defeat. Maybe I won't feel that way after a while. Maybe I'll feel better. But right now I feel like I've failed. Like there's some part if me that's inherently damaged. Well, I mean, I know there is. I'm just desperately trying to fix it.
     Hence, the new goal is to get completely out of debt, and save $678 by the end of the year. I think still a noble goal. Of course it will probably change other resolutions as well, such as work, instruments, and travel, but I'll deal with that as it comes....