Saddy McSad and the Wah Wahs!

  While in the shower tonight I was going over all the crap going on in my life right now. I'm broke and will probably have to move in with my mom, I'm single, a good amount of my friends don't live here, I'm unsure of my job, and I'm fairly certain I've gained a few pounds. I was having a mini pity-party drowning my tears under the shiwerhead. And as I watched the hot water gather around my toes then proceed down the drain, it dawned on me: boo bloody hoo! I mean, really!!
    So what if I'm broke!? So are a lot of people, and so many are WAY worse off than I am! And who cares if I have to move in with my mom? I love her, we get along extremely well, and I'm lucky to have a mom who's so wonderful and understanding! Who gives a crap about being single? I'd rather be on my own than in some co-dependant nightmare!  Or simply with the wrong person, just to be with someone! Yeah, a lot of my friends aren't here, but that means that I have great places to visit, and can spend time with all the amazing friends I have here that I have neglected.
   Yes, there are things I'd rather be doing, but I've got a decent job. Pay is reasonable, my supervisor is great, I have health benefits, and at least I have a job! So many people would love to be able to say that!  And the gaining weight thing is all my bad. I need to get off my fat ass, and work out! My amazing friend Nikki hooked me up with her personal trainer, and I have yet found the time to schedule time with him!
    Bottom line: I don't know how long this surge of enlightment is going last, but I love it and I'm going to grab it while I can! Things aren't as bleak as they seem, and really there's a lot I can do to make them better! Also, I'm going to start a new feature on the blog called "Shout-Outs." Each week I'm going to write about an amazing person in my life, why they are amazing, and some way that they've affected, helped, or inspired me. (When you are chosen, I will clear it with you first before I post the blog.)  I think it's really important to recognize the people in your life who you care about, and it's high time I stated letting you know how much you mean to me!
    We've hit the 6 month mark of this blog running! Thanks for hanging in there with me!! I feel like a lot of positive change is right around the corner and I'm glad you're coming with me!

-Eb

Sould I Stay or Should I Go?

(I'm very frustrated right now because I just wrote two very good paragraphs and I was booted out of blogger! Grrrrr!)

    As you know I've been trying to get promoted at work. It's been a long and frustrating road. I get distracted easily. If I din't hit certain benchmarks when I feel that I should (expctations set by the company and/or myself), I get antsy. I start planning to go abroad, or back to school, or looking for a new job. I think that some big and drastic change will make things better.
    The thing is, that even though it can be fun and exciting, starting over is exhausting!  A new place, new job, new apartment, new guys; any of these changes I think will make things better take a LOT of energy. Energy that I find myself lacking these days. Plus, all the time and hard work that I've already put in at this job would be for nothing if I left.
     Also, I have no idea what I really want to do. Well, that's not entirely true. I'd love to be an actress for a living, but some how I don't think that's going to happen for me. There are things thay I'm good at and things that I like, but I'm not necessarily sure that I'd want to do them as a job.
   So, here I sit. Feeling suck. Wanting to move, but not knowing where to move to.  The good news is that I'm closer to ever to being promoted! The bad news is, in not sure that I want to stay in Portland. I'm frozen. I wonder if everyone feels this way. Wanting to move but unsure of the direction. Does anyone ever really feel comfortable or content?
    When I traveled to NYC and SoCal I felt better in those two places than I do here. I felt a vibe of belonging (NY more than Cali). Is that just because I was visiting or is there something more to it? Should I move and get another fresh start, or stay put? I've decided that maybe I should start with little changes instead of giant ones. Take a class, take a trip, do some research. That way when it does come time for a giant change, I'll know it's the right one. 
    So, at least for now I am here. In the next few weeks we shall see what happens. And I'll make my move from there.
   

The Towel

   A friend of mine told me that he thought my blog read like a diary. I told him I was going to stop writing.  He suggested I shake things up. He asked me who I was writing for. He very lovingly insulted me, but maybe he's right. I started writing for me and for others to know that they weren't alone in wanting to become better. To make sure I wasn't alone. To challenge myself to my potential and to suggest that if I can do it, anyone can do it.
   Apparently, that's not coming across, or it's not intetesting or relevant. So, I'm going to continue with my plan to stop writing the blog. No one but my brother is reading it anyway, and it does read like a "self-unprovement Bridget Jones's Diary." (as was pointed out to me) 
   Of course I could just try to take the constructive criticsm and put in more effort to change or improve. Or just tell him to fuck off, but I think this is maybe just something that I keep to myself. Because honestly, who cares if I can be a vegetarian, save money, or get promoted? No one. Just me. So thank you, five people who read this, I appreciate your support, but I think it's time to throw in the blogging towel. At least until I have something more relevant to blog about.