(I'm very frustrated right now because I just wrote two very good paragraphs and I was booted out of blogger! Grrrrr!)
As you know I've been trying to get promoted at work. It's been a long and frustrating road. I get distracted easily. If I din't hit certain benchmarks when I feel that I should (expctations set by the company and/or myself), I get antsy. I start planning to go abroad, or back to school, or looking for a new job. I think that some big and drastic change will make things better.
The thing is, that even though it can be fun and exciting, starting over is exhausting! A new place, new job, new apartment, new guys; any of these changes I think will make things better take a LOT of energy. Energy that I find myself lacking these days. Plus, all the time and hard work that I've already put in at this job would be for nothing if I left.
Also, I have no idea what I really want to do. Well, that's not entirely true. I'd love to be an actress for a living, but some how I don't think that's going to happen for me. There are things thay I'm good at and things that I like, but I'm not necessarily sure that I'd want to do them as a job.
So, here I sit. Feeling suck. Wanting to move, but not knowing where to move to. The good news is that I'm closer to ever to being promoted! The bad news is, in not sure that I want to stay in Portland. I'm frozen. I wonder if everyone feels this way. Wanting to move but unsure of the direction. Does anyone ever really feel comfortable or content?
When I traveled to NYC and SoCal I felt better in those two places than I do here. I felt a vibe of belonging (NY more than Cali). Is that just because I was visiting or is there something more to it? Should I move and get another fresh start, or stay put? I've decided that maybe I should start with little changes instead of giant ones. Take a class, take a trip, do some research. That way when it does come time for a giant change, I'll know it's the right one.
So, at least for now I am here. In the next few weeks we shall see what happens. And I'll make my move from there.
I believe that you can't walk away from yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to make changes, but if you expect a magic change for the better, especially when it's tied to a new place, new guy, new job, you'll always end up disappointed. Moving will distract you for one minute and then, if YOU are not complete or content, you will start feeling antsy there TOO.
I believe that if you are passionate about acting then that's what'll make you content. And don't give up. Maybe the timing is bad, but if you persist, you'll get to where you want to be.
All's easier said than done.
You could move to Tri-Cities. Bridge needs a roomie and the cost of living is cheaper here. Plus with all the people Bridge & I know we are bound to be able to help you find an amazing job! :)
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