Family

(I started writing this back in October after the visit. FYI)

    My final visit to complete the "visit 4 friends/family members who don't live in the Portland area" was a half visit/half scout where to live in California. I stayed with my dad in Saratoga and visited quoth him anas my sisters. For those of you who don't know, I grew up from the age of 6 with my mom, stepdad and brother in Aloha, OR. The last time I'd seen my father (before I met my sisters in 2008) as when I was 5. I didn't ev seen know I had sisters until I was 20! So, visiting wasn't as simple as it would seem.
     The trip went well. Spending time getting to know my father and sisters haas been great. It's strange to meet a parent as an adult; there's so much they don't know about you, and vice versa. There's an awkward politeness that isn't there with someone you've known your while life. And thoughthe tro went well and I'm glad to be getting to know my California Family, I feel sad that this awkwardness is there.
     I'm sad that I missed out on my sisters being babies and school kids. I'm sad that I don't know what foods my dad doesn't like or what jobs he's gone through. And though these are things I can find out, there are still all those experiences that I will never get to have! And of course, they missed out on knowing me as well. Seeing me become who I am.
    Since the trip, I've not stopped thinking about family. What is family and why is it important? What happens to our minds and hearts when a family is broken? And can those pot holes ever be filled?
     What I know is that so blessed to have a mom and brother who mean everything to me! That family is not just biology, but connections you make with people you love. And I've realized that family can ever changing and growing if you want it to be. And if you're lucky like me, you'll be able to not necessarily fill the pot holes left by past absences or wounds, but just pave new roads. I'm so excited to live so close to my father and sisters and to get to know then and have them in my life. I'm so happy to have let go of the wondering about what might have been. I'm ready for the future, and the roads ahead with my amazing family!