I've had a slew of jobs from restaurants, coffee places, and telemarketing to museums, car rentals, radio and teaching. I've loved a few and hated most. I've found, as many of you probably have, that the jobs I love I can't make much money at, and vice versa. The one exception to that rule was my teaching job in Japan, which I loved, and paid decently, but I lived in Japan and wasn't ready to stay there the rest of my life. I've found that with me and jobs, I don't stay happy for very long, or there is some reason that I have to change up. The longest job that I've had lasted 4 years. I can't even imagine doing the same thing for a lifetime. I think that may have to do with my short attention span, and partially due to wanting to really REALLY love what I do. I want one of those jobs where you say, "I am a _____," not, "I work for____." And I'm constantly searching for that thing.
My desire to do something I love, and also have something stable (monetary and benefits) is an ongoing battle. At the beginning of the year, when I made these resolutions, I decided that I need to stay put. No more jumping around, searching on job sites all the time, plotting for my escape abroad. NO! I would stay, work hard and get promoted. This, for me, is not that simple. I've been at my current job with Netflix now for 9 months, and I've been doing well. My supervisor has been saying that he's going to develop me for the next level so that when they are hiring for that position, I'll be ready to go. He's been saying that for months. We've done a bit of development, but over the holidays things got nutty and we really haven't done much since.
Since then, I've been told I'm sassy, I've been told that I don't take feedback the "right way," and that I should feel free to ask questions and challenge things, but just in (again) the "right way." So, I said to my supervisor, "So, I'll get promoted, if I just don't act like me?" He was like, no, but yes, but no. Basically, he's not taking the time to work with me, I'm getting frustrated, and my personality is under fire. Needless to say, January has not been a fun month work wise.
I've been thinking a lot about surviving in a corporate career, and it occurred to me that people like me who naturally have a repulsion to corporate culture have to have two personalities. Me and Corporate Me. I need to just shut out the part of me that wants to be independent, creative, and free, and embrace my inner "yes man." I'm going into February with a whole new attitude. I'm thinking of Corporate Me as a role in a movie that I'm playing. This way, I'll have fun with it, and since I think I'm not a half-bad actor, I will be able to pull off the role and be convincing!
I still want to get promoted, and be successful, and I hope this is the company that happens with, but I have to be honest. I feel like a part of me is giving in. Like I'm letting go of my dreams. I'm sure a lot of people have gone or are going through this. And it's very bittersweet. But in the end, I think it's what's best. At least I hope so....
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Use Your Anger; Just Don't Give Into the Dark Side
Another amazing cleaning day yesterday! I was actually having a crappy day, and turned my anger and frustration into energy to clean. My place looks crazy because I moved all the furniture to one side and took out loads a crap the was mucking it up. Going to clean carpets and then move everything back. I have a new organizer to store documents that I'm going to assemble, and move everything I need into it. Also, I'm re-doing the dining and finishing the bathroom. Tomorrow, I'll move on to my scary bedroom, and get rid of all the clothes and nick-knacks I don't need, and if I have the energy I'm going to build the dresser from Ikea that I've have for over a year!
I have taken "before" pictures and will take "after" ones when I'm all finished, so you'll be able to see the differences! It's going to be awesome. Stay tuned....
-Eb
I have taken "before" pictures and will take "after" ones when I'm all finished, so you'll be able to see the differences! It's going to be awesome. Stay tuned....
-Eb
Sunday, January 9, 2011
What about BACON!?
As you know, one of my goals for this year is to be vegetarian for the year (at least). This has already started a sensation. I posted on my facebook that I wanted to know some good vegetarian or vegan restaurants to check out, and received and overwhelming amount of responses. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who responded. Most of the responses were very supportive and helpful, but a few were not quite on board with me yet. WHAT ABOUT BACON!? That is one of the first question many people ask, and the second is, "Why?" So, here we go...
First, I LOVE bacon. I do! How can you not? It's salty, fatty goodness and it goes with pretty much everything! I love its smell in the morning with coffee and toast. I love it on burgers. I love it wrapped around various foods, in salads, and just on its own. However, there are downsides to bacon. As I said on Facebook, I will miss bacon, I will not miss high cholesterol and love handles! I'm not saying I won't miss its yummy goodness, but come on, I can TOTALLY live without bacon. It's only been a week, so in a month maybe I'll be singing a different tune. But so far so good. And for you bacon lovers, the less I eat, the more there is for you! :)
Second, WHY!? Most of my friends living in Portland living "the dream of the 90's", are very supportive of the move and totally understand the many positives of being vegetarian. However, not everyone is on the veggie boat. Ive found a lot of negative reactions such as: where are you going to get protein, and it's not that great of the environment, it's really expensive, and dude, I love steak, you're nuts! To the nay sayers I say this: it's better for me, it's better for the earth, it's yummy, and most of all, I'm doing it to see if I can!
This year is about challenges for me, to make myself better and to have a better impact on the wold around me. Only 7% of the world's population is vegetarian. Think of what could happen if more of us were! Less farmland, less waste, less obesity (unless you eat pasta and cheese all day every day). That being said, I know being vegetarian is not for everyone, and I'm not pushing an agenda. I'm doing it for me. I eat crap and I don't take care of myself the way I should. In just the week that I've been veggie I have stopped eating crap fast food, take time to plan meals, and think about what's going into my body, I have more energy, and feel more motivated to exercise.
Of course, this is week one, so I'm sure my gung-ho-ness will change over time. But I'm very happy about this decision, and for the most part, everyone has been supportive and happy for me too. My dear, dear friend Nikki even made me a 5 course meal last week that was AMAZING, and would make even the most meat loving maniac respect the the veggie! I want to thank here again here for going way above and beyond and being such a great friend.
Since I can't eat at Nikki's every night, I'm going to try to eat at a new vegetarian restaurant in Portland (or where ever I am) and post my findings in the blog. I'm going to at least one per month, but if money allows, I will do it by-weekly. I'll let you know where I ate, what I ate, how service and price were as well. If anyone one wants to come with me on my adventure, you are more the welcome. There will be broccoli, but NO BACON! :)
-Eb
First, I LOVE bacon. I do! How can you not? It's salty, fatty goodness and it goes with pretty much everything! I love its smell in the morning with coffee and toast. I love it on burgers. I love it wrapped around various foods, in salads, and just on its own. However, there are downsides to bacon. As I said on Facebook, I will miss bacon, I will not miss high cholesterol and love handles! I'm not saying I won't miss its yummy goodness, but come on, I can TOTALLY live without bacon. It's only been a week, so in a month maybe I'll be singing a different tune. But so far so good. And for you bacon lovers, the less I eat, the more there is for you! :)
Second, WHY!? Most of my friends living in Portland living "the dream of the 90's", are very supportive of the move and totally understand the many positives of being vegetarian. However, not everyone is on the veggie boat. Ive found a lot of negative reactions such as: where are you going to get protein, and it's not that great of the environment, it's really expensive, and dude, I love steak, you're nuts! To the nay sayers I say this: it's better for me, it's better for the earth, it's yummy, and most of all, I'm doing it to see if I can!
This year is about challenges for me, to make myself better and to have a better impact on the wold around me. Only 7% of the world's population is vegetarian. Think of what could happen if more of us were! Less farmland, less waste, less obesity (unless you eat pasta and cheese all day every day). That being said, I know being vegetarian is not for everyone, and I'm not pushing an agenda. I'm doing it for me. I eat crap and I don't take care of myself the way I should. In just the week that I've been veggie I have stopped eating crap fast food, take time to plan meals, and think about what's going into my body, I have more energy, and feel more motivated to exercise.
Of course, this is week one, so I'm sure my gung-ho-ness will change over time. But I'm very happy about this decision, and for the most part, everyone has been supportive and happy for me too. My dear, dear friend Nikki even made me a 5 course meal last week that was AMAZING, and would make even the most meat loving maniac respect the the veggie! I want to thank here again here for going way above and beyond and being such a great friend.
Since I can't eat at Nikki's every night, I'm going to try to eat at a new vegetarian restaurant in Portland (or where ever I am) and post my findings in the blog. I'm going to at least one per month, but if money allows, I will do it by-weekly. I'll let you know where I ate, what I ate, how service and price were as well. If anyone one wants to come with me on my adventure, you are more the welcome. There will be broccoli, but NO BACON! :)
-Eb
Mess and Mania
One thing you may not know about me is that I'm a terrible house keeper. To say that I'm not the tidiest person in the world is a bit of on understatement. A wicked understatement! I'm a mess! My apartment is usually in disarray, and I seldom have people over. Until recently this hasn't bothered me very much, but it's starting to cramp my style. I love to have people around, and it's embarrassing to not be able to because my place is unsuitable for human inhabitants. Right before the holidays is when I finally reached my breaking point...
The end of October was a bit hard for me. A really good friend moved away, some new and amazing friends went home to Europe, and after an amazing trip to New York I came back to Portland to find myself very alone. I hate goodbyes, and having to say so many of them in such a short period of time took a heavy toll. Another thing you don't know about me, is that a few years ago I was diagnosed with Bi-polar II. Bi-polar has it's ups and downs (pun not intended), and one of the major downsides is the paralyzing depression. My depressive spells go hand in hand with my uber-messy spells. I mean, who wants to clean when you barely even want to get out of bed!? So, needless to say, along with this depressive spell (which lasted until just before Christmas), I didn't clean. Yes, a dish here, some laundry there, but nothing major. My apartment is a DISASTER!
The up side to bi-polar is that when focused (which is difficult, but not impossible), the manic periods can sometimes be times of great clarity, focus, creativity, and motivation. (If you can manage to keep from bouncing off the walls). The other night, I came home and had had enough!!! I scrubbed the bath and shower, toilet, kitchen sink, floors and changed the linens on my bed. And I when I say scrubbed, I mean, you can EAT off the surfaces! I was at for for a few hours before I called it a night. Now, there is still a ways to go, but I feel SO much better about my place! Now all that's left is to get all the junk (papers, old clothes, and stuff I don't use) out, and build shelves from Ikea I got in August, and sell or donate my old shelves and coffee table.
My goal for my apartment is not only to keep it clean, but make it a home. Since I was 18 I moved almost every year of my life. I was a nomad. I hated moving, but loved the idea of somewhere new and the freedom of having nothing really tying me to a place. But recently, I've found that not having roots is kind of depressing. I mean, I don't even have pictures on the walls. I've lived in my apartment almost three years, and have never really settled in. So, that's what I'm going to do: hang pictures, get internet, re-arrange, and really, REALLY make a home. I think it's a scary part of growing up that I've avoided for a long time: moving away and really starting to think of your own place (not your parents place) as home. It's high time I hit that 'gorn-up" benchmark!
I will keep you posted as to how the home is coming, and the fun and frustrations along the way. Also, I will keep up updated on the mental stuff from time to time as well. It was a hard thing to face when diagnosed, and even harder and to share with others. I won't necessarily talk about it all the time, but it's a part of me (as is this blog, and now all of you), so I'll keep you in the loop.
Oh! And for those of you who can make it, I will be having a house re-warming party when the initial make-over is complete! Stay tuned!
-Eb
If you're interested, here are some other good bi-polar links:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bipolar-disorder/DS00356
http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/slideshow-bipolar-disorder-overview
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Books-About-Bipolar-Disorder/lm/RTBXSPXKXRYBB
The end of October was a bit hard for me. A really good friend moved away, some new and amazing friends went home to Europe, and after an amazing trip to New York I came back to Portland to find myself very alone. I hate goodbyes, and having to say so many of them in such a short period of time took a heavy toll. Another thing you don't know about me, is that a few years ago I was diagnosed with Bi-polar II. Bi-polar has it's ups and downs (pun not intended), and one of the major downsides is the paralyzing depression. My depressive spells go hand in hand with my uber-messy spells. I mean, who wants to clean when you barely even want to get out of bed!? So, needless to say, along with this depressive spell (which lasted until just before Christmas), I didn't clean. Yes, a dish here, some laundry there, but nothing major. My apartment is a DISASTER!
The up side to bi-polar is that when focused (which is difficult, but not impossible), the manic periods can sometimes be times of great clarity, focus, creativity, and motivation. (If you can manage to keep from bouncing off the walls). The other night, I came home and had had enough!!! I scrubbed the bath and shower, toilet, kitchen sink, floors and changed the linens on my bed. And I when I say scrubbed, I mean, you can EAT off the surfaces! I was at for for a few hours before I called it a night. Now, there is still a ways to go, but I feel SO much better about my place! Now all that's left is to get all the junk (papers, old clothes, and stuff I don't use) out, and build shelves from Ikea I got in August, and sell or donate my old shelves and coffee table.
My goal for my apartment is not only to keep it clean, but make it a home. Since I was 18 I moved almost every year of my life. I was a nomad. I hated moving, but loved the idea of somewhere new and the freedom of having nothing really tying me to a place. But recently, I've found that not having roots is kind of depressing. I mean, I don't even have pictures on the walls. I've lived in my apartment almost three years, and have never really settled in. So, that's what I'm going to do: hang pictures, get internet, re-arrange, and really, REALLY make a home. I think it's a scary part of growing up that I've avoided for a long time: moving away and really starting to think of your own place (not your parents place) as home. It's high time I hit that 'gorn-up" benchmark!
I will keep you posted as to how the home is coming, and the fun and frustrations along the way. Also, I will keep up updated on the mental stuff from time to time as well. It was a hard thing to face when diagnosed, and even harder and to share with others. I won't necessarily talk about it all the time, but it's a part of me (as is this blog, and now all of you), so I'll keep you in the loop.
Oh! And for those of you who can make it, I will be having a house re-warming party when the initial make-over is complete! Stay tuned!
-Eb
If you're interested, here are some other good bi-polar links:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bipolar-disorder/DS00356
http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/slideshow-bipolar-disorder-overview
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Books-About-Bipolar-Disorder/lm/RTBXSPXKXRYBB
Monday, January 3, 2011
Resolution 9
So, here it is; the end of another year and the beginning of another. Every year we get pumped about the start of something new and the chance to beginning again. We're filled with the hope and motivation to really change our lives, and to make it better! we resolve to work out more, eat less, spend less, spend time with our families and other such cliches. But let's face it, most resolutions never make it past March! I think the only resolution I've actually kept in was 1998 when I resolved too see 100 films made in that year (very expensive, but fun).
This year, I wanted to do something different. I wanted to make tangible goals and challenges, and ACTUALLY achieve them. The thing is, I've said this many years on the past, so what will make this year different. Well, in the immortal and very very true words of A. Einstein "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." I'm TIRED of the same old thing. I"m tired of letting my shortcomings determine who I am, and most of all I'm tire of not living up to my potential. I was tired to the point of not wanting to wake up anymore. So 9 resolutions instead of 1. And to back up my determination, I decided to blog about it.
This blog is in place to be honest about who I am, what I want, and the frustrations, joys, setbacks, downfalls, and successes on my journey through 2011 to become not only a better me, but to be better to and for those around me. With all that in mind, you're probably wondering what I will be blogging about. I've set challenges and goals (resolutions) to help modify things I don't like about myself and to enhance the things I do. Some challenges are there to see if I can do it, others are more of like marks I'd like to hit. But all are achievable. So, what needs adjusting? See below.....
Positives: creative, talented, adventurous
Negatives:
Bad with money, indecisive (specifically about career), bad at keeping in touch, self-centered, overweight/unhealthy, little follow-through, messy
Yes, the negatives column is much longer than the positives, but hey, aren't we all our worst critics?And besides, the resolutions are in place to tip the scales, and without further ado, here (in no particular order) are the Resolutions 9:
1. Save $2,012 by 2012 (money)
2. Visit 4 friends or family members who don't live in Portland (stay in touch)
3. Be vegetarian for one year at least (overweight/unhealthy)
4. Re-do apartment and keep it clean (messy)
5. Mange this blog (creative)
6. Learn two new instruments (talented)
7. Volunteer for a charity (self-centered)
8. Visit 1 country I haven't visited before (adventurous)
9. Stay at current job and get promoted (indecisive)
In the coming weeks I'll break down the reason for each resolution. I will update the blog at least weekly about the progress of each category. If nothing really interesting has occurred I won't bore you with the details. I will be honest, sometimes painfully so, because I believe that no progress can occur without truth. Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope that it will be fun, thought-provoking, interesting, and inspiring!
-Eb
This year, I wanted to do something different. I wanted to make tangible goals and challenges, and ACTUALLY achieve them. The thing is, I've said this many years on the past, so what will make this year different. Well, in the immortal and very very true words of A. Einstein "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." I'm TIRED of the same old thing. I"m tired of letting my shortcomings determine who I am, and most of all I'm tire of not living up to my potential. I was tired to the point of not wanting to wake up anymore. So 9 resolutions instead of 1. And to back up my determination, I decided to blog about it.
This blog is in place to be honest about who I am, what I want, and the frustrations, joys, setbacks, downfalls, and successes on my journey through 2011 to become not only a better me, but to be better to and for those around me. With all that in mind, you're probably wondering what I will be blogging about. I've set challenges and goals (resolutions) to help modify things I don't like about myself and to enhance the things I do. Some challenges are there to see if I can do it, others are more of like marks I'd like to hit. But all are achievable. So, what needs adjusting? See below.....
Positives: creative, talented, adventurous
Negatives:
Bad with money, indecisive (specifically about career), bad at keeping in touch, self-centered, overweight/unhealthy, little follow-through, messy
Yes, the negatives column is much longer than the positives, but hey, aren't we all our worst critics?And besides, the resolutions are in place to tip the scales, and without further ado, here (in no particular order) are the Resolutions 9:
1. Save $2,012 by 2012 (money)
2. Visit 4 friends or family members who don't live in Portland (stay in touch)
3. Be vegetarian for one year at least (overweight/unhealthy)
4. Re-do apartment and keep it clean (messy)
5. Mange this blog (creative)
6. Learn two new instruments (talented)
7. Volunteer for a charity (self-centered)
8. Visit 1 country I haven't visited before (adventurous)
9. Stay at current job and get promoted (indecisive)
In the coming weeks I'll break down the reason for each resolution. I will update the blog at least weekly about the progress of each category. If nothing really interesting has occurred I won't bore you with the details. I will be honest, sometimes painfully so, because I believe that no progress can occur without truth. Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope that it will be fun, thought-provoking, interesting, and inspiring!
-Eb
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