Mess and Mania

One thing you may not know about me is that I'm a terrible house keeper. To say that I'm not the tidiest person in the world is a bit of on understatement. A wicked understatement! I'm a mess! My apartment is usually in disarray, and I seldom have people over. Until recently this hasn't bothered me very much, but it's starting to cramp my style. I love to have people around, and it's embarrassing to not be able to because my place is unsuitable for human inhabitants. Right before the holidays is when I finally reached my breaking point...

The end of October was a bit hard for me. A really good friend moved away, some new and amazing friends went home to Europe, and after an amazing trip to New York I came back to Portland to find myself very alone. I hate goodbyes, and having to say so many of them in such a short period of time took a heavy toll. Another thing you don't know about me, is that a few years ago I was diagnosed with Bi-polar II. Bi-polar has it's ups and downs (pun not intended), and one of the major downsides is the paralyzing depression. My depressive spells go hand in hand with my uber-messy spells. I mean, who wants to clean when you barely even want to get out of bed!? So, needless to say, along with this depressive spell (which lasted until just before Christmas), I didn't clean. Yes, a dish here, some laundry there, but nothing major. My apartment is a DISASTER!

The up side to bi-polar is that when focused (which is difficult, but not impossible), the manic periods can sometimes be times of great clarity, focus, creativity, and motivation. (If you can manage to keep from bouncing off the walls). The other night, I came home and had had enough!!! I scrubbed the bath and shower, toilet, kitchen sink, floors and changed the linens on my bed. And I when I say scrubbed, I mean, you can EAT off the surfaces! I was at for for a few hours before I called it a night. Now, there is still a ways to go, but I feel SO much better about my place! Now all that's left is to get all the junk (papers, old clothes, and stuff I don't use) out, and build shelves from Ikea I got in August, and sell or donate my old shelves and coffee table.

My goal for my apartment is not only to keep it clean, but make it a home. Since I was 18 I moved almost every year of my life. I was a nomad. I hated moving, but loved the idea of somewhere new and the freedom of having nothing really tying me to a place. But recently, I've found that not having roots is kind of depressing. I mean, I don't even have pictures on the walls. I've lived in my apartment almost three years, and have never really settled in. So, that's what I'm going to do: hang pictures, get internet, re-arrange, and really, REALLY make a home. I think it's a scary part of growing up that I've avoided for a long time: moving away and really starting to think of your own place (not your parents place) as home. It's high time I hit that 'gorn-up" benchmark!

I will keep you posted as to how the home is coming, and the fun and frustrations along the way. Also, I will keep up updated on the mental stuff from time to time as well. It was a hard thing to face when diagnosed, and even harder and to share with others. I won't necessarily talk about it all the time, but it's a part of me (as is this blog, and now all of you), so I'll keep you in the loop.

Oh! And for those of you who can make it, I will be having a house re-warming party when the initial make-over is complete! Stay tuned!

-Eb

If you're interested, here are some other good bi-polar links:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bipolar-disorder/DS00356
http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/slideshow-bipolar-disorder-overview
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Books-About-Bipolar-Disorder/lm/RTBXSPXKXRYBB