I've had a slew of jobs from restaurants, coffee places, and telemarketing to museums, car rentals, radio and teaching. I've loved a few and hated most. I've found, as many of you probably have, that the jobs I love I can't make much money at, and vice versa. The one exception to that rule was my teaching job in Japan, which I loved, and paid decently, but I lived in Japan and wasn't ready to stay there the rest of my life. I've found that with me and jobs, I don't stay happy for very long, or there is some reason that I have to change up. The longest job that I've had lasted 4 years. I can't even imagine doing the same thing for a lifetime. I think that may have to do with my short attention span, and partially due to wanting to really REALLY love what I do. I want one of those jobs where you say, "I am a _____," not, "I work for____." And I'm constantly searching for that thing.
My desire to do something I love, and also have something stable (monetary and benefits) is an ongoing battle. At the beginning of the year, when I made these resolutions, I decided that I need to stay put. No more jumping around, searching on job sites all the time, plotting for my escape abroad. NO! I would stay, work hard and get promoted. This, for me, is not that simple. I've been at my current job with Netflix now for 9 months, and I've been doing well. My supervisor has been saying that he's going to develop me for the next level so that when they are hiring for that position, I'll be ready to go. He's been saying that for months. We've done a bit of development, but over the holidays things got nutty and we really haven't done much since.
Since then, I've been told I'm sassy, I've been told that I don't take feedback the "right way," and that I should feel free to ask questions and challenge things, but just in (again) the "right way." So, I said to my supervisor, "So, I'll get promoted, if I just don't act like me?" He was like, no, but yes, but no. Basically, he's not taking the time to work with me, I'm getting frustrated, and my personality is under fire. Needless to say, January has not been a fun month work wise.
I've been thinking a lot about surviving in a corporate career, and it occurred to me that people like me who naturally have a repulsion to corporate culture have to have two personalities. Me and Corporate Me. I need to just shut out the part of me that wants to be independent, creative, and free, and embrace my inner "yes man." I'm going into February with a whole new attitude. I'm thinking of Corporate Me as a role in a movie that I'm playing. This way, I'll have fun with it, and since I think I'm not a half-bad actor, I will be able to pull off the role and be convincing!
I still want to get promoted, and be successful, and I hope this is the company that happens with, but I have to be honest. I feel like a part of me is giving in. Like I'm letting go of my dreams. I'm sure a lot of people have gone or are going through this. And it's very bittersweet. But in the end, I think it's what's best. At least I hope so....
have you taken your DISC profile? it helps the me vs the corporate me battle.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny to me that you say acting. When I was working, I always considered the "acting" part of the job the part of my Political Science degree I paid for and never used. I guess we all relate to those things we know the best. So whether it's acting or calling on your inter-politician, it's the same at any corporate job. Oh, one last nugget I'll share. One word of advice I got from an old manager was to, "never take a swipe at a supervisor unless you were prepared (and could provide the necessary documentation) to take them out entirely." Swipes make enemies and a good politicians tries to have as many friends with as few enemies as possible. And when you're really to vent, call me. I'm here. I'm always right here.
ReplyDeleteOh Eb, I really relate. I worked at GEICO for 5 years and was developed for a supervisory role, but my supervisor kind of told me the same thing. I was a little too outspoken and that I needed to reign it in and consider my audience. And she was right, but I was just at a place in my life where I wasn't ready to be that. So I went into underwriting which, incidentally, is a great career because you dont deal directly with people (not that I can't but it takes a lot of pressure off of me because I tend to be fairly straightforward/blunt which doesn't always go over well) Anyway after GEICO I had a hard time figuring my shiz out too. I had good paying jobs but none of them really did it for me, I was always looking for something different...and that's when I went back to school...Good Luck girl! Be true to yourself. Life is just too short.
ReplyDeleteLuke....I am your father....give in to the Dark Side....oh wait, wrong movie. Haha...loves! You'll figure it out. I promise.
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