I can't really compare last year's move top this year's for a few reasons: last year I was moving from rain to sun, the known to the unknown, and less money to more money. This year's move is from sun to rsin, known to known, and more money to less money. There are similarities, though. I was not happy both times I moved, though this year's unhappiness trumps lay year's by far. I was and am single, and my future is still very much up in the air. Of course everyone's future is up in the air, but there as times of more and less certainty, and this is definitely a time of less.
Though I love my new job a million times more than my last, there are things I miss. I miss the stability, the money, the health insurance. Those things aren't the most important things in the world, but they are extremely nice to have. I miss my friends in California more than I can say. I've found myself doubting this move so much. I keep wondering if I should have fought harder to stay. I feel like in a way I've retreated; like I've given up. And though my new job is a dream of mine, I find it impossible to not focus on all I've left behind.
I so this all the time. Self-doubt and I are old pals. I'm trying hard to get over that. Very hard. I hope that when I get into a grove, see more of my old friends, meet new ones, get my own place, and get super-good at my job, that this melancholy will melt away, and I'll be chopper, fun, awesome Eboni again. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to wait and see....
Eboni
Much of your post really rang familiar for me. I don't believe in fate or that everything happens for a reason, but I do know you are a very talented person who would likely have been successful had you stayed in California or returned to Oregon. To try and figure out which one would have made you happier is to torture yourself. You made your mind up, and I think there is no looking back (at least for the short term). For what it's worth, I'm glad you are here.
ReplyDelete